我的笑容，是为了掩饰什么？

有时候，
我在想 ...
我偶尔的微笑
到底是为了掩饰什么？

当我微笑时，
我有快乐吗？
当我微笑时，
我是在掩饰着什么吗？
我不知道，
我真的不知道 ...

最近
我真的很烦
我不知道我到底应该做什么
我不知道我到底要怎样做才是对的
我的心情真的很乱
我有时甚至像个疯人似的
一会儿笑，
一会儿哭，
还会无缘无故心情不好
我到底怎么了？？？
我真的很想很想放下这里的一切
一个人独自跑到遥远的地方隐居
可是，
我有钱吗？
我已经能够一个人独自生活了吗？
我能吗？
不，我还不能
我没有钱
我不能离开
我还是个学生
一个即将面临PMR的笨学生
一个不属于厉害读书的料的学生
我不能离开！

所以，
我只能以做功课、抄书、
研究电脑的东西来麻醉自己
因为
除了这些
我再也想不到更好的方法来麻醉自己了

在我微笑时，
往往都是我最伤心的时候~

‎6月14日，你3周年纪念；我永远的思念 ♥ T.T

渐渐地，
一年又过去了
又到了6月14日了...


自从2009年开始，
每一年的今天
我都永远忘不了
因为
我真的真的很想念你~


今年的6月21日
也就是农历五月二十
你就要和祖先们合炉了
到时候
我就真的永远都不能看见你的香炉，
再也不能跟你说话了
T.T


所以，
我就现在在这里跟你说：
我现在真的很想对你说：
外婆，
我真的真的很想念你，
虽然你已经不知不觉地离开了我三年
但是
我对你的思念依然没有减少

还记得2009年下半年开学的第一天
早上8.30am
我还没醒
因为我当时还在下午班
妈妈突然进我房间里
哭着告诉我：
婆婆过世了
我整个人就好象傻去似的
完全什么表情也显露不出了
这样呆呆地坐在床上10分钟
后来才回过神来

现在回想起来
还是好象昨天刚刚发生那样

三年了
我想
我是时候该接受事实
该学会放下了
外婆，安息吧！
我相信你在天之灵会保佑我们的 =]

desserts 反过来念就等于 stressed；你能够把 stressed 当成 desserts 一口把它吃掉吗？=)

This is the first time i use english to write my blog's post,
so, if got any false, please don't laugh at me .. thanks
if you think you're kind,
you can write down any of my false in my chatbox to let me know~
i will feel very thankful to you =D


Stressed?
am i feel stressed?
i think so~


why am i stressed?
i just can say that because of many reasons


1st : Family
both two sister :
- always like to kacau i do everythings
- always like to makes me get angry

they already know i will angry if they use my thing without my permission
BUT they still like to do such that


both parents :
- always like to say about my bad to let whole world people know
- always like to 冷战
i know i have too many bad habits n else bad thing
BUT i'm your daughter
i also have good habits
why you all just saw my bad but NEVER saw my good???
plus, i know you two sometimes will have own problem
BUT please don't makes the problem until need to 冷战
have you two think before
although i looks like didn't care your own buisness,
BUT actually i will feel sad n frustrated when you two is having 冷战

2nd : Love? Friendship? i think so
i still remember got 1 times, i got a person ask me,
"between 'Friendship' and 'love', which one will i choose to own?"
that time i'm lack of both these two thing
so, i had answered her : Love
BUT now,
after i think about it properly,
i had make a conclusion :
this questions has no any answer
BECAUSE, if let me to choose a true friendship and love,
i would choose a true friendship
this is because,
a true friendship can stay for your whole life if both side care of it

A true friend :
1) you can talk to them when you're sad, happy, angry and else
2) you can tell them the problem that you face so that they can help you to solve it
3) a true friend forever is a good listener when you're sad and frustreted
4) a true friend will lend you a shoulder when you need it anytimes

i had think about this question a very long time ..
so, this is the final conclusion that i can makes


huh,
i think thats all for my this post
after i finish write all of it out,
i get a feel like i had release all of my stressed
now i didn't feel sad anymore
thats why always have people say that
write out all of your sadness, you will feel more happy after that

although desserts read in turn will be read as stressed,
but who said we can't change the stressed into desserts?
why can't we treat a stressed as a desserts,
and then just eat up the stressed as a desserts?
who said it can't be happened?

so, if you face to any stressed anymore,
you just treat it as a desserts
And eat up it !!
you will feel you life will be better =)
just try it !!

remember, all people hope to have a longer life
HAPPY is one of the important term for you to get a longer life
so, ALWAYS BE HAPPY =D